Talking Horses and The Like

"After that I shut my eyes and my teeth and prepared to drive the dagger into my heart. But before I had done so, this mare spoke with the voice of one of the daughter's of men and said, 'O my mistress, do not by any means destroy yourself, for if you live you may yet have good fortune but all the dead are dead alike'."

"I didn't say it half so well as that," muttered the mare.

-C.S. Lewis, The Horse and His Boy


After attempting to play some insensible piano accompaniment parts by someone called Josef Matej, I've been quite suddenly inspired to pick up the piano where I left it off 9 years ago. Never, in my wildest dreams when I was younger, would I have imagined voluntarily putting myself through the torture of another piano exam... but now, it just seems so different... It's like being forced to eat brocolli when you were a kid- you'd kicked, screamed and threatened to starve- but years later you find yourself looking for it in the supermarket because you've grown to enjoy its taste and you know that it's good for you.

Some days are lovelier.

Sam, these are for you. :) Pictures of real people.



Taken in Autumn 2003, after we'd cycled about 15km from Kendall Hall to Werribee beach. Though I don't look it, I was certainly exhausted till near-death.








Graduating class of 2003- The Dum Year!








Don't ask me why I've chosen to post these pictures. Just happened to come across them whilst browsing through the CD-rom copied from the vet school server on my very last day of uni. Those were such carefree days...never to be relived.


On the MRT this morning, a grandma came in through the door after me. She was carrying an adorable baby boy with Down's Syndrome, donning a pale blue cotton cap, contentedly using his thumb as a pacifier, staring out innocent eyes wide with wonder. It was moderately packed with no available seat, and as I heard a scramble behind me I looked around... only to see another elderly lady getting up to offer her seat to one needier than her. Not one other person on a seat budged. What have we become?

Face Down

When there's naught else to say
None else to trust
Naught else to do
Or think
Fatigued as the dusk
Simply fall face down

As I consider who He is instead of focusing on myself or another person or my situation, I am better able to pray with faith. -Susan Alexander Yates, A House Full of Friends

Unsure about being insured

Met up with my newly found insurance agent (or more politically correct: financial advisor) again today over coffee at Haagen dazs. All I can say is that buying insurance is a big headache, one which, I suppose, I should be glad to even be able to have. Considering 90% (or some alarmingly similar figure) of the world's population lives below the poverty line and earns less than US$1 a day. Note: Dale, please don't say "sorry" for anything, in fact I should be thanking you for helping me start off some kind of financial planning. Hm, but then again I don't mind your sorries for being irritating. :P

Also had a great time with Bernard and Dale tonight playing the guitar and worshipping God! Always loved the experience of playing music with other people, but have not had much of a chance to. We've got to do this more often.

Oh, and I've got to say this- Jason was such a sweetie yesterday, he sent a bunch of pink gerberas to the clinic as a surprise for no apparent reason. It arrived at 2plus, not long after I'd just completed one of the most difficult surgeries I'd ever done on a wretched 13yr old cat with a massively ulcerated mammary cancer. I have to respect Muslims for their belief that we are not given the authority to take away the life of an animal even by euthanasia... but it pains me to see them suffering like that. Anyways... thank you dearie. I miss you.

Being irritated.

Mondays have a certain pattern to them. Semi-busy in the morning...a steady stream of walk-in consults in the afternoon... quietness from 6-7pm... and an avalanche of clients after 7. And for some strange reason, the patients after 7pm will have to be bitey white fluffies with vague symptoms and owners who'd ask a million-and-one questions. It is so annoying.
I was whining to Jenn about a recent self-revelation about my patience level being on a steady decline. To my disappointment, she readily agreed. She did point out that ALL of us have been losing patience though, herself included. I think it's what the pressure, tiredness and busyness does to us. Quite disturbing.

Ken peed all over the living area this morning whilst I was brushing my teeth in the toilet. It was really weird, but he does this from time to time. His mind is a mystery we can never fathom, and since it already frustrates me significantly, I can't imagine how much more pained my mum (and maybe dad) are. I wonder what God was thinking when He made people with intellectual disabilities. I wonder if "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time" is an accurate picture of a world painted through the eyes of an autistic kid.

All in a day's work

Stray no. 2 found at Ang Mo Kio park with a maggot wound on the rump. (I HATE houseflies!!) Seems like I've been running a stray kitten clinic recently. Anyone willing to adopt her?







Shana says, entitle this photo "Laziness".
My dearest receptionist's way of mopping the floor.

Girlfriends

Met up with a few precious girlfriends on friday night. It's been 8 yrs since secondary school graduation, which, come to think of it, is rather frightening. The speed at which time moves seems to change with the seasons...slow as snail when you're getting a tedious task completed, but always swift as a bird when you start measuring the length of old friendships. Quite surprised that the 3 interns were able to make it, albeit all hungover with eyebags from being on-call over-frequently and worrying about getting complaints from MOs or patients alike. I'd recently decided that the way Singapore treats its house officers really doesn't comply with human living standards. Apparently, they do give some feedback about that, but their voices aren't heard. I suppose that's the way we've been molded into the box of a conservative society.
Didn't even catch a glimpse of the lawyers though. They seem to be working... 24-7. I've heard that it's a mix of the neverending workload, firm culture, expectations... but is it worth it?
Ann-marie seems to be the only other one, besides me, who has a job which allows a life at the side. She reminded me of something I said at the beginning of the year before she started work... "At the end of the day, it's just a job." I struggled to recollect saying that, and I'd intially thought that I'd meant "Remember to focus on the things that mean most to you and not your job", but she'd taken it to mean "do not get too affected by it.. like when you get scolded by your boss."
In retrospect, that statement is only partly true. It's not JUST a job. It's what occupies 90% of your waking hours (and for some, sleeping hours). I suddenly felt so blessed with my vocation. I love it. My newly found financial advisor had asked me just the day before if I'd be willing to work without my pay. I'd said yes. And I truly believe it! How wonderful. :)

Snow.Wolf.Lake

It was AWESOME!! Truly a musical worth more than the price of last tier seats. (dang, we learnt our lesson on that) Never imagined that chinese productions could match up to their broadway counterparts, but really.. they do! The plot was simple enough, and bore a striking resemblance to Les Miserables, just without the complicated backdrop of a French Revolution. Jacky Cheung was absolutely amazing, and so was Evonne Hsu (though I would've preferred Kit Chan) and the rest of the cast. Each song was heartwrenchingly beautiful...telling of deep unconditional love and sacrifice...absolutely lovely.

Felines and Faith

Jess and I spotted this mother cat and one of her kittens yesterday next to the Queenstown hawker centre. Her kitten looked like an exact replica of the one we couldn't save just 3wks back, whom we found just a few metres from this spot...






And here's Willow, looking a lot more comfortable on my bed than she did last week! Really manja.





Animals aside. About faith and surrender - I'm continuing to grasp the concept of faith as a choice. If I choose to believe, that IS faith. However, with that choice comes expectations from God. And with expectations, there comes disappointment. In these, there is a need to balance our management of expectations with our handlings of disappointment.

The Lord reminded me, quite timely that "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3. How silly it is for me to worry about trials, tribulations or disappointment... shouldn't I rather be thanking Him for giving me all that I need for life and godliness! Peter goes on to say that we should make every effort to add to our faith goodness, knowledge, self control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love. What a long way I have to go in my walk with Him.

Willow Belle

Yay! I adopted Willow Belle today! Not including the fighting fish I got in primary school which fought till they had holes in their tails (well, yeah I know now that they were meant to be separated), or Mallie my poor little rescued hamster... she is officially my first pet. Thank God for taming my brother's tendencies to scare the little critters to near-death, and for miraculously giving me some sort of success in persuading mum that cats aren't scary. But fancy me, a fully dog-person, adopting a cat. Funny how life takes you down paths you'd never imagine you'd tread on. Thanks Jeanne for rehoming her to me.
But she is so stressed, she's been under my bed all night. :(

Shadow on the left, Willow on the right, being the shy boy and girl. Shelsea's roaming at the side. She's a golden retriever who gets bullied by Shadow and starts whining when he play-slaps her.

Blessed are we!

My baby cousin Jillian. She's so adorable.

I met Xiaohui for dinner tonight, and we talked about God, sin, homosexuality, marriage, adultery, divorce, and New Orleans. Christians are as equally susceptible to the temptations of the devil as anyone else, and the worrying thing is that... we do not seem to be able to flee from temptation any more effectively than non-believers. We make the same mistakes, and we let those same mistakes conquer us. How our Lord weeps with a broken heart. Xiaohui's pastor believes that divorce is biblically unacceptable, in any circumstance. We must continually forgive, as Jesus did. How is that possible for the frail human soul? What about the husband who's involved in domestic violence? Is his wife meant to stick by him and risk her own life? Or the unrepentant husband who has an affair? Where is God's justice there?

And then she tells me the story of her grandma. Her grandpa had left China for Singapore just after they'd had their first kid, and did not return for 13 years. For all those years, through WWII, she faithfully cared for his kid and his family. He had a mistress in between, but finally brought his wife over to Singapore after 13 years. She never did complain, neither filed for divorce on the basis of desertion, nor found another husband.

Why were women so capable of forgiveness in the past, and not today? What has happened to us?

We are blessed, and we do not realise it. We are sinners and we NEED God's grace.

The burden of life and responsibilities, grievances, a dependent brother, a faraway loved one. As I reflect upon these, the Lord repeats His words to me : have FAITH, pray, ask, and I will answer, I will give. You must surrender your faith to me.

Thanks Dale, your words have been a great encouragement. :)

Praise the Lord!

Jumping on the bandwagon today.

What used to be my Mallie

And thus I begin my attempt to share what's eating me. Especially for the people I treasure most.

A vet's point of view.

The kitten I couldn't save. She struggled for almost 2wks before giving up the will to live. I helped her by putting her down, and though I've done it many times before, it has never been so difficult.





On a lighter note, and for our amusement... THINGS PEOPLE ASK VETS. (credits go to Dr S.Wong too for this compilation)

1) 'How can I tell if my dog has had sex? And how can I tell when he's ready to have sex again?'
2) 'Will my cat know he's lost something and be very upset after desexing??'
3) (In response to a recommendation to desex a cat),'No, my boyfriend doesn't want it. He says it's very talented!!' (Flips kitten over to reveal LARGE balls.)
4) 'You mean if I pour the ear cleaning solution in and rub, the dirt won't all come out on it's own?' (of course not, you have to clean your own ears, what makes you think you don't have to dig out the wax for them?!)
5) 'My male kittens suck at each other's chests. Are they gay?' (Answer: No. They just lost their mum at too young an age.)
6) (Pointing to a male dog's nipples) 'Doctor, what's that......lump??' Vet: Sir....erm....those are....nipples. 'But it's a BOY dog leh....' Vet: Have you looked at yourself in the mirror before?
7) (growling white little maltese comes in) Vet: Erm, does Fluffy bite? 'Oh no no he doesn't.' (Fluffy tries to chomp off vet's fingers) Vet: Ok, I'm going to put a muzzle on him yah? (owner, caressing Fluffy) 'Oh no no no he doesn't need a muzzle, he never bites!'
8) (8kg cat comes in) Vet: Just to let you know, Kitkat here is overweight... 'Huh! But she's so skinny compared to my other cats!' (...)
9) Top question owners ask: 'You mean you can't just give an injection to cure him? You mean he has to take all these pills???'(Please tell me what injection it is you're talking about and I'll share the profits with you.)

And on a personal note, my no.1 most annoying question (which I have encountered no less than 10 times):
Owner (looking at me): Huh? You're the vet?
Me: Yes...
Owner: Oh... are you from China? You mean they have vets in China?
Me: No aunty, I am NOT from China. I am local.
Owner: Are you sure?? You ARE from China lah!

About forgiveness.

How do you forgive a person who constantly irks you?
Who constantly irks a person you love?
The cords which bind hatred in the heart need to be unravelled... only by Jesus.
I re-learnt this at cell group today: Surrender all to Him, He who gives you unfailing love. Never underestimate the power of prayer.

Remember: Matt 28:19-20 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.